Six months ago I told my doctor that I didn’t want to be on my depression meds for ever. Since it has been about five years since I started taking depression meds, I thought I could stop. I take two depression meds and one of them it’s not really a high dose so we decided we should start there. My doctor recommended that I cut down my dosage in 1/2 for 3 months and then 1/2 of that for 2 more. Then I could be weaned off of it.
For a while it went well but when I stopped taking it…things were awful. I had such a difficult time just getting out of bed. Living my day to day normalities was something I just couldn’t handle. Honestly it scared the living daylights out of me. I wasn’t prepared to go back to feeling like I did before I got help. I thought that I had passed that sad point in my life.
So as you can guess, I am back on my meds. I am so scared that I will never be able to stop using them. When I was in that horrible point in my life I wanted nothing but to be myself again. That would be my definition of recovery. But the real question here is…Can it happen? Will I ever be really be the same after what my doctor called “a major depressive episode”? Now I believe that I’ll never be quite the same again.