Can’t sleep…
Here I am lying in bed. I want to sleep, but I can’t. I’m starting to get frustrated. Al I can think about is how hard it’s going to be to get up in the morning. I’m going to feel tired and run-down.
I wonder if what’s causing my insomnia are things like sub optimal room temperature/air/humidity, overeating, too much light, noise, wrong mattress, wrong sleeping position, hormonal imbalance, lack of exercise, snoring, etc etc.
I guess all these things can be a factor. Yet I think the real reason is completely different.
I think the real reason why I can’t fall asleep is because I’m thinking about stuff. Stuff I have to do the next day. Stuff I can’t forget about. Stuff that worries me. So much stuff! I keep thinking about all that stuff in circles, unable to let it go and rest.
Honestly I think I’m afraid to stop thinking about all the stuff. Why? Because I might forget it. And if I forget the stuff, bad things would happen to me. Lol I mean think about it. If we forget things then our boss might yell at us. Our spouse might feel that we don’t care about them anymore. Our kids might despise us. Debt and bill collectors might knock on our door. Our customers or clients might leave us. People might think less of us. All because we forgot about… you know, stuff.
I’ve tried to write down the stuff that’s on my mind before i go to bed. What things… well things you have to do. Things you can’t forget. Things that need to be taken care of the next day. Things that worry you. I think that until I write the stuff down, I will never be able to let it go. I will never stop thinking about it. I will never sleep as good as I could.
I tried it once, I actually wrote it down in the evening…
I immediately feel a huge relief. I figured this way, I can let it go now, and pick it up tomorrow.
But no, not a chance. I’m still laying here… wide awake.